Sad
by Catrina
Summary: Kira seems to be a little down and depressed and his friends are starting to worry about him. Slowly Athrun starts to figure out what exactly is on Kira's mind. Yaoi AthrunxKira
1. Chapter 1

Sad

By Catrina

Disclaimer: These boys aren't mine.

A/N: This is my first Gundam Seed story. This story is right now just going to ignore Gundam Seed Destiny, since I haven't seen it all yet. Also beware, no beta reader, so there will be some spelling errors that spell check doesn't always get. Please let me know what you think.

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His smile was always so breathtakingly sad.

There was something that would never quite reach his azure eyes. When he was younger they would always hold innocence and sweetness, but now they looked so blank and infinitely sad. The war had been hard on all of them, but most of them had been able to hold on to themselves. But somewhere between here and there Kira had lost something…

The young man had a hard time smiling and laughs were even rarer. But once in a while he would stand by the coast of Orb and look out to the ocean, and for a second, he would seem okay, he would seem normal. Then it would pass.

Athrun worried about his friend, always did. After coming close to losing him so many times it was easy to say that that was his greatest fear. Kira…he never wanted to lose his Kira.

"Kira, are you okay?" The voice that asked the question was deeper then it was just a couple years ago. Kira turned to him as he stood watching the ocean with his best friend. He and Cagalli were back in Orb after being gone in a tour of the PLANTS for the last three months, so it had been a while since they had seen each other.

Athrun once again received that sad, sad smile. "Welcome home Athrun! I'm fine. How were the PLANTS?" Athrun looked at him really looked at him. He had grown taller since he had seen him last, they were once again about the same height, Kira just a little shorter. His hair was longer, still falling into his eyes, but he knew that Kira seemed to hide behind those bangs when he was uncomfortable. He had lost weight, not a lot, but enough that the clothes he wore were a little lose. He didn't seem surprised to see Athrun; he must have known he was coming.

"_He has seemed more and more down lately." Lacus stated while sitting down with tea for Cagalli and Athrun._

"_He needs to just get over it." Cagalli muttered angry at her twin._

"_It's not that simple Cagalli." Lacus rose not touching the tea that she had poured for the three of them and walked to the window, "His sadness reached into all the corners of his soul. He loved everyone so much and fought so hard to protect them. But his remorse is for all those he couldn't protect, and those that he wished he never had to kill. His kind heart has taken such a battering that he doesn't know how to heal. When I look into his eyes it makes me almost cry." For a moment they all sat silent unsure of how exactly to proceed. "I don't know how to help him. I try…" both Athrun and Cagalli could tell that Lacus herself was bordering on tears, "I try so hard to be here for him, but he doesn't want to share the pain. He won't let me help him. Even now he is still trying to protect me."_

"_Lacus." Athrun wanted to comfort the songstress._

"_Can you talk to him? Either of you, I…I can't seem to reach him." Athrun looked to Cagalli who looked more then a little afraid, but then again Cagalli wasn't the best person to talk about emotions. She would end up just yelling at him, and it wouldn't do any good at all. Athrun nodded at her then got up and went to stand by Lacus. He looked over to where the lone figure looked out to sea. Kids seemed to gather around him, sensing his calm, and being soothed, but not understanding the sadness the lurked under the calm exterior. _

"_Don't worry Lacus. There has to be something that one of us can do." Cagalli followed behind Athrun, noting out loud the children flocked around him._

"_Yes, the children love him, and his stories of his best friend and their adventures before the war." They watched as Torii flew in and the kids gathered around him even more. The mechanical bird jumped onto his hand and Kira kneeled allowing the kids to see and touch him. Athrun could see hip lips moving, but not enough o see what he was saying. _

"_I'll go speak with him, see what's going on. Cagalli will you be okay by yourself?" Athrun asked looking to the blond standing behind him. _

"_Yeah, there's a guard here to escort me. Maybe you should stay for a couple days, until we leave for the PLANTS again?" He nodded and watched as she left. He then turned to Lacus. _

"_Don't worry; I'll take care of him."_

"The PLANTS were fine, they seem to like Cagalli's attitude, and they all work well together." The kids had scattered when Athrun came so it was just Kira, Athrun, and Torii.

"I'm sure they would, they want peace just like everyone else."

"Lacus is worried about you." Athrun knew his best friend better then anyone and knew that sometimes with Kira you just needed to be blunt.

"I know, and I hate causing her worry, but right now, I don't really know why I'm the way I am. I know this isn't normal." Kira looked to Athrun his violet eyes searching his friend's green eyes for understanding. Athrun raised a hand and brushed a casual hand over his friend's hair.

"Why are you so sad, Kira?" Athrun asked softly as his hand carded through his friend's hair. It was something that he had always done but Kira was the same. Since their battle to the death, they both seemed to touch each other as much as possible. Almost as though they were assuring each other that they were sorry, that both were still very much alive, that they could keep living until the next time they could be assured that their best friend was still in the world with them.

Kira blushed under his touch, and gave Athrun a genuine smile, one Athrun had a feeling hadn't been seen in a while. "I'm not sad… not really. I think that I'm just missing something. I still miss my friends. I still feel guilt for not saving everyone. I never wanted to be a soldier, but I know that I made my choice. It's not that…not anymore." After all Athrun concluded it had been well over a year, and Kira was right, he had learned to deal with what had happened during the war.

"So what is it then?" Athrun asked looking over his friend.

"I guess I just need to find what's missing." Kira looked over his friend, his best friend and he already knew what was wrong. He missed Athrun, he wanted to be near Athrun, but Athrun's place wasn't with him. It had taken Kira months to work through his sadness and depression, but seeing the world working so hard to keep the peace assured him that he wouldn't have to take up arms to battle again. Occasionally a nightmare would hit and he would for just a little while morn those that he couldn't save. But it was slowly after he started healing that other things became obvious to him. That he was safe and secure when he was with Athrun, that he felt happy when he was with Athrun, and that he was completely in love with Athrun; just like Athrun was utterly and exclusively in love with his sister. It was then after a nightmare of loosing Athrun that his heart completely shattered and it was that that had change him right now. Right now he was simply trying to work through his broken heart. There was no way that he could tell Lacus what was going on, there was no one he could really talk to. But he knew that this was best worked through on his own. He smiled at Athrun trying to ease his concern, but mostly wanting him to go away. All he really wanted was for Athrun to leave, so he could try to heal.

It had only been two weeks and Lacus had already brought in the reinforcements. It was at times like this that Kira wished that he was a liar. He wished that he could be an actor and fool all his friends so that he wasn't causing them concern. But that didn't seem to be the case. Everyone was so concerned and he could do nothing to ease their pain. Telling them not to worry and that this was something that he had to work through on his own wasn't something that was working. He knew that he had changed after the war, but soon he would be closer to what they needed him to be.

"I'm going to be hanging out here for the next couple days." Athrun stated and looked over to see his friend slightly pale at that note.

"Really? What's up?" Kira could hear his voice shaking and wanted to hit his head against a brick wall. This really was the last thing that he needed. If only he could tell his friend to get away and leave him alone, but he could tell that Athrun was concerned.

"I want to hang out with you, see what's going on in that head of yours." Athrun stated smirking a little at his childhood friend. As if sensing his distress, Torii flew from where he was perched to land on Kira's shoulder.

"You don't want to know." Kira muttered to himself then blushed when Athrun asked him what he had said. "Nothing. Let's head up to the house." Athrun watched as Kira walked away green eyes watching the fading form and how his long legs moved him from the beach to the house. Kira had become even more attractive then before, now he was taller, leaner, and his face was sharper, but his eyes were still the most dominate feature, wide and fringed with dark lashed, those purple eyes saw straight through him. Lately it had become worse for Athrun; he saw those eyes in his dreams, hazed with lust, drowning with desire. All he knew was that the next two days would most likely be hell on him.

Surprisingly that seemed not to be the case. The evening went well, all of them eating together and talking about this that or the other. But Athrun kept watching Kira, watching him eat, talk, walk, and later watching him work. It seemed that the people in the area had learned that Kira was good with computers and programming, and in a way Kira had started his own business. He worked on computers and programs and his room was full of them. He wasn't talking but he watched as Kira diligently worked on program after program, and then a couple computers. It was almost 11:00 before Kira turned and looked at him slightly irritated.

"Are you just going to watch me all night?" Kira asked, almost a growl.

Athrun nodded, "Yup."

"And the point to that is what?" Kira asked powering down his laptop and giving his friend his complete attention. His friend sat across the table from him in sleep clothes and watched with blurry eyes.

"To see."

"To see what?"

"What's wrong?"

"It's not that simple."

"So you say." Athrun countered. It was nice to see Kira fighting back to him a little, he missed these verbal sparing matches they were rare but they were fun… most of the time.

"Good lord… lets just go to sleep." Kira wanted to just throw his hands into the air and yell to what ever god there was to just kill him now.

"Can I have a pillow and blanket?"

"Why, go to your room. Lacus made one up for you right?" It came out a little harsher then what Kira had actually meant. He almost grimaced at how terse he sounded but what Athrun said next changed that to surprise.

"No, I told her I was sleeping here."

"What!"

"I'm gonna sleep in here with you." Kira flushed bright red when his thoughts headed straight to the gutter. Athrun…in bed…with him. He could already feel his blood flowing south.

"On the floor?" Kira asked turning to hide his blush.

"Unless you let me sleep in the bed with you. The floor _is_ hard." Kira looked over his shoulder and couldn't find a way say no. It _was _Athrun after all, how could he really say no.

Athrun on the other hand couldn't believe his own audacity. He would never be able to sleep tonight in Kira's bed, surrounded by his scent, feeling the heat from his body, hearing his deep steady breathes.

"Fine, just stay to your side." Its not like they hadn't done this when they were young, the only difference was that they weren't seven years old anymore. After some time the both settled in, each on one side of the bed. They were both lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling. Idle chatter had passed but now they were simply waiting for sleep to come and take them away.

Abruptly Athrun turned to his side and looked at Kira. "I just want you to be okay." Athrun's voice was much softer then normal and he wasn't sure if his voice got through. Kira turned his head, and another one of those bright vibrant smiles shown through making his eyes almost glow in the dark.

"Don't worry Athrun, I will be." With in a couple minutes Kira seemed to settle in and soon his eyes drifted shut. Athrun watched him sleep, and noted every feature, every breath, and every eyelash.

This was what he wanted.

Kira was all that he ever really wanted.

Ever since he saw his face again, startled and surprised, he knew that he had to have Kira back in his life. When he thought that he had actually killed him he nearly tore up with grief. There was no doubt that Kira was his special someone. But there was no way to be with him and he had figured that out long before. So instead he simply moved on, protecting everyone's dreams by protecting Cagalli. The two had long since figured out that what had started during the war was indeed going no where. So they spoke, and this was what they came up with. He was indeed her body guard, but not forever. Soon he would find a way to be down on Earth, here in Orb, and close to his Kira.

The sun was rising before Athrun actually fell asleep, but when he did he was hugging Kira close.

00-00-00-00

Kira woke and found himself to be warm, much warmer then normal. It didn't really take him long to figure out why, especially with the steady heart beat under his ear. He was laying on Athrun and his best friends arm's were tight around him hold them close. Kira froze. To say that he was in a panic would be a complete understatement. He was with his friend, in bed… and they were holding each other. Of course nothing happened he knew better, he would remember that.

Athrun let out a sigh and turned a little turning into Kira just a little bit allowing for Kira to look up and see his face. Athrun always looked like a little boy when he slept, his dark hair falling all over his pale skin, long lashes creating shadows on his cheeks. Kira raised a hand and passed if over the hair that felt like silk. He never knew how Athrun had such soft hair; Kira personally thought that his own felt rough. Kira loved to look at his friend. He was so beautiful, though he would never say that to his face. He was beautiful in the way that his pale skin was in contrast with his dark hair, the way that there was always a sparkle in his dark green eyes. Kira could never look at his friend and not want to touch him, not want to hold him, to kiss him. But that was not his right. Athrun and Cagalli had been traveling together for almost a year, the communication between the PLANTS and the Earth were minimal at times and then the connections would be bad. He had not seen or really talked to either of them in months, so he really didn't know the status of their relationship. Fact was that he didn't want to know. The fact of knowing if his best friend and crush was having sex with his sister was not something that he wanted to think about. Neither did he want to know about how close they were to getting married or anything of the sort. He simply knew that it was going to happen and when it did that would be enough. He really wanted to be happy for them. Looking down at Athrun, tears floating in Kira's eyes, Kira knew that he wanted nothing more then happiness for his friend and his sister. But he knew that without Athrun he would never be happy, he would just exist. When Athrun turned Kira took the chance and pulled out of his arms. In no time flat he was in the bathroom and in the shower.

God… this was going to be the longest day of his life, Kira though rubbing the tears from his eyes. But Athrun would leave tomorrow morning. Then it would be fine, everything would be normal. Kira jumped in the shower and went through his morning routine quietly. He got out of the bathroom and wrapped a towel around his waist. He then peeked out the door, and noted that Athrun was still asleep; taking his chanced he walked softly to his chest of drawers and pulled out his clothes. He tip-toed back to the bathroom to put on his clothes then went and met Lacus for breakfast.

Athrun woke warm and surrounded by Kira's scent, the mixture of his citrus shampoo and the natural sweet and spicy scent. He had never slept so well. Turning over he realized that it was already past noon, and he had missed the first two meals of the day. Moving slowly he went to the bathroom and opened the door and making himself at home he showered and changed then went down to find Kira or Lacus. He found Lacus first.

"Good afternoon Athrun. Did you sleep well?" If Athrun didn't know better he would have said that she had a twinkle in her eye…like she knew something.

"Well enough, where's Kira?"

"He's with the children. I was waiting for you."

"You didn't have to do that I can eat lunch on my own."

"Well I wanted to ask you a question."

"Go ahead." Athrun gave Lacus his full attention after cutting his sandwich and taking the first bite.

"What have you done?"

"Done?"

"He smiled at me this morning. A shy quiet smile, like the ones he always used to give me on the Archangel. What did you do?"

"Nothing really."

"You had to do something."

"No, not really." He continued to eat as the pick songstress studied him. When he looked up she was staring at him her cheek resting in her hand a large smile on her face. "What."

"It's you." She said on a smile.

"Huh?" He asked again finishing off his meal.

"Nothing, it's just you." She rose gracefully from her chair and walked out the door, leaving a confused Athrun blinking in her wake.

It took him a while to find Kira, because after most of the children went down to nap, he went to his room to work on his computers. There was one laptop there that was torn apart and he figured that he needed to go to the store to buy something. But he didn't know what store to go to. So he simply sat and waited on the bed for Kira to get back. It was almost another hour before the boy actually showed up and that put it at almost 4:00. The boy blinked at the other boy sitting on his bed.

"Hey Athrun."

"Kira."

"What?"

"What…what?

"Are you made at me?" Kira asked blinking his wide purple eyes at his friend.

"I've been looking for you."

"Really? Well I started to work on this computer, but there were running a really slow processor in it. And there is this shop downtown, and whenever I go in the owner always has me look at some things, and I try to help him out, and because of that he gives me free stuff." Kira ended on a smile and looked over to Athrun who had started to smile during his little tirade.

"You should have woke me up this morning we could have done something."

"No its okay."

"But I leave tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, that's why you need to relax and rest."

"But Kira, I came here to be with you, not to relax." He watched as a blush raced across his friend's cheeks and almost up to his hair line.

"I'm sorry, Athrun. Should we go eat some dinner, then maybe catch a movie, I'll pay." It was his way of trying to make up for it.

In the end they ate dinner with Lacus and the kids and then went to a movie, an action movie with a minimal plot but still slightly entertaining, but still Athrun knew that he couldn't remember the plot if he even tried. Athrun sat in the dark staring more at his movie companion then at the actual movie. In the dark his eyes seemed to glow, and the way that the strange light would glance off the spikes of his hair, were interesting to watch. Kira's mouth would open in shock when an amazing martial arts move was shown or something incredibly gruesome would be shown. Occasionally he would see the other boy grimace, and he knew that someone had died and curiosity would get him to look to the screen but he liked watching Kira more. He was so expressive, and so animated that he never really wanted to take his eyes off of his friend. There was one thing that Athrun like about having his dark hair longer; he knew that Kira had no clue that he was watching him and not the movie. When the movie had started Athrun had gone to get popcorn and missed just a bit of the preview. Kira had told them about them when Athrun came back, but the part of this memory that he loved the most was whenever their hands would end up in the popcorn together…Kira would blush. Soon Athrun started to time when the other boy would grab for popcorn just so that he could put his hand in first. It was just because he liked to see Kira blush so much.

By the time the movie was over and the popcorn gone, they started the drive back out to the house. Both boys were quiet, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence but more that one of a long comfortable friendship. Never had Athrun thought that he would simply be happy because he was with Kira. The random though passed him mind, wondering what they would be like if they hadn't picked up their weapons and fought each other. What would have happened if Kira had followed to the PLANTS and they had been together the whole time? Would everything be different now, could they have been lovers instead of just friends? It really was Athrun's fondest wish that that is what could happen between them. He pulled into the drive way just as Kira seemed to be nodding off to sleep.

He parked the car then moved around to the other side. He watched Kira though the glass. He would never get sick of watching Kira. The other boy's inner beauty always showed through showing how strong he was and making the outside of the boy even more beautiful. He opened the door, then unbuckled Kira from the safety belt. He touched the side of his face gently, running a finger along the soft skin

"Kira."

"Hm?" The boy quickly opened his eyes and jumped startled. Athrun noticed Lacus looking out of a window on the second story; she seemed to be smiling again.

"Go to bed Kira, I'll be in later."

"Why?" The boy unfolded his lean form from the car, stretching as he did so.

"I need to tell Lacus 'thanks'."

"Okay." Athrun followed Kira but then headed to the tea room to join Lacus.

"Did you enjoy your evening?" Lacus asked

"Yeah, it was too short though. I just wanted to say thanks for letting me stay here."

"It was nice to see Kira smiling again."

"He seems okay, I think he just has some personal stuff to work through."

"It will be fine shortly, of that I have no doubt."

"Thanks Lacus, good night."

"Good night."

By the time Athrun got back Kira's room he was already asleep, so he just changed into his night clothes and crawled into be beside his friend, again watching Kira sleep, as dreams came to take him as well.

00-00-00-00

Athrun woke to find that Kira had wrapped himself around him. Struggling to let the other boy sleep he pried himself away and went to the bathroom to shower and got ready to leave. He grabbed his bags and went down and loaded the car before going back to say 'bye' to Kira.

"Kira?" Athrun peeked his head into the boy's room expecting to find him still sleeping, but instead he was awake, knees pulled to his chest as he looked out the large window in his room. Kira jumped slightly when the door opened and looked over at his friend.

"Hey Athrun." The smiled that he showed was much more genuine then the one that Athrun had seen when he first arrived. He was happy to see it. "What are you doing here?" Though he asked the question Kira was pleased to see him, and he knew that Athrun could tell.

"I just wanted to say 'bye.' Cagalli is going back up to the PLANTS for a couple weeks and I'm going with her."

"As her body guard. Be careful, keep both of you safe, please?" It was a statement, not really a question, but Kira wished that Athrun could stay a little longer. Kira enjoyed having Athrun with him and knew that he would miss him. Lacus had been happy to see a smile on Kira's face, but he knew those would disappear when Athrun left. But Athrun had already done so much for him, that Kira couldn't ask him to stay even for just a little longer. He looked up when the door closed and his eyes widened a little when Athrun walked over to the bed and sat down.

"She is important to the peace that we have, I have to protect that." _ I never want to see you fight again. _

"I know…her dream is the dream of many others." Kira once again turned to look out the window. He could never seem to fight the sadness that seemed to overwhelm him though for the past two days it had been held at bay. "My dream is her dream, a world of peace. I'm glad you work so hard to protect it."

"I'm glad I can do something." Athrun sat on the side of the bed and watched out the window as the sun started to rise. Athrun placed a hand on Kira's head feeling the silken strands move through his fingers. "You gonna be okay? All of a sudden you seem sad again."

"No! I'll be fine; it was just nice having you around for a while." He spoke softly before turning his head around to look at his friend. It was then that he realized how close Athrun was to him. His smile faded as he looked into his friends green eyes and saw how serious he was.

"It will only be a couple weeks."

"I know." Kira stated titling his head in question. Why was Athrun acting like this, why was he being so… so…

"I'll come back as soon as I get home." Kira's smile was his answer. "Should I call you when I get to the PLANTS?"

"If you want…" Kira looked at Athrun still confused…he was treating Kira like…a worried girlfriend. Oh no! Athrun had figured it out…he knew it, he just had to have. That's why he was going to come back right away, to explain to Kira that he was with Cagalli and that they were going to get married. That there was no place in Athrun's heart for Kira, but they would always be friends. Kira could already see it in his minds eye. He could feel the heart breaking, a pain in his chest making it hurt to breath. But he continued to as he looked at his friend, trying to make everything okay. Athrun had to be okay, he didn't need to feel guilty over him and the fact that he couldn't have feelings for another guy. He knew the feeling, he had panicked when he realized that the feelings he had for Athrun were more then platonic, and now Athrun knew and he had to be a little creeped out. "Actually, it's okay; I'll just see you when you get back."

Kira thought that he had done a good job of making sure that his voice didn't shake but he noticed Athrun's eyes narrow and realized that he hadn't done as well as he hoped.

"What's wrong?" Athrun asked voice bordering on a note of anger. Kira's eyes, they were different already and he hadn't even left yet. Something was going though that genius mind of his, and it was completely wrong. Athrun just knew it; he knew that Kira was thinking he was right, when everything was wrong. Kira was the most dense genius ever.

"Nothing."

Athrun stood on a sigh and looked down at Kira curled up on his bed. Athrun wasn't even gone and he was already sad. Could it be that Kira was just lonely, no… that wasn't right, he was here, with Lacus.

What happened next, Athrun couldn't really explain what happened next; between Kira shifting to get up off the bed and Athrun leaning down to kiss his hair their lips met. Athrun's eyes widened slightly before letting them flutter shut and placed his hands on Kira's cheeks, framing his face.

It was soft and sweet and something that Kira had never expected. He was well aware that his eyes were open wide on shock and that his body was frozen in movement. His hands shook as he brought them up, but then unsure with what to do with them he let them drop limp at his sides. But he was so gentle and his hands moved from framing his face to soothingly carding though his hair. Their lips brushed again and again, and then Athrun pulled away.

Kira looked at his friend as a sigh passed his lips. There was a small smile on Athrun's face.

"I'll call you when I get to the PLANTS."

"Okay…"Kira breathed softly, and watched as Athrun left his room.

…

…

He had just kissed Athrun.

Athrun had kissed him.

…

…

Oh hell, what was he going to do now?

00-00-00-00

This is chapter one. Like I said this is my first Gundam Seed fic. So let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading,

Cat


	2. Chapter 2

Sad

Chapter Two

By Catrina

A/N: I don't own these boys and girls; I just play with their lives. Enjoy chapter two and please remember, this is a yaoi themed story.

00-00-00-00

Athrun thought that is was odd that only after two days of being with Kira that it felt unnatural to walk out the door without him. It felt simply odd not to have the other boy at his side. For the last two days, excluding the time that they had slept, they were together laughing or talking. But now as he left the house leaving Kira behind it felt completely odd that he wasn't there. Athrun raised green eyes to the sky knowing that in about 16 hours he would be in the PLANTS settled and having dinner while listening to Cagalli try not to get mad at another politician. It wasn't that she was bad at her job it was more along the lines that most people forgot that they were under the age if 20. The war had aged them. He turned and looked back at the house and for a moment he thought he saw the curtains in Kira's room flutter. He raised his hand to keep the dark hair from blowing in his eyes, but still he didn't see anything.

He was not really a moment closer to really understanding what was going on with Kira. Kira had seemed like the same old Kira to him, he didn't seem different at all, but he believed Lacus, because even while they had spent time together, he too, could feel the inherent sadness that was wrapped around Kira.

Getting in his car, he drove away trying not to think that he had just abandoned his truest friend. Arriving swiftly he picked up a waiting Cagalli, who quickly threw her things in the back and jumped in.

"So, how was he?"

"I'm good Cagalli, how are you?" Athrun asked sarcastically turning to look at the golden-eyed beauty.

"Good, so did you find what was up with Kira?" She asked again bringing the conversation back to her brother.

"Not really, he was fine around me, but he still seemed sad. But he ate normally and slept normally, so I'm confused. I thought that after this short tour in the PLANTS that I would go and see him again."

"Is he just bored?" Cagalli asked looking out the window and putting on her sunglasses as Athrun pulled out of the driveway that led up the large mason mansion they were leaving.

"I don't think that is the case either."

"Is he in love?" Cagalli asked trying to come up with any reason for he brother's strange behavior.

"Lacus?" The thought sent a pain straight through his heart. That thought had never even crossed his mind. Could Kira be in love with Lacus and just not know what to do about it? It was something that they hadn't talked about. He knew that Lacus cared a lot for his violet eyed brunette friend, but he didn't think that it was that strong. Just the thought of that caused his heart to seize and his eyes to water. He wanted Kira to love _him._ He wanted Kira to want _him. _ He didn't want Kira to even think about Lacus.

Cagalli watched with rapt interest as Athrun's knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel hard. "Hey, you okay?" She waited a moment and when he didn't respond she touched his shoulder lightly. He jumped almost like she had startled him. "Athrun?"

"Yeah?" He was wearing sunglasses so it was hard to see what he was thinking but he seemed upset.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just wish that I could figure it out. When we were younger, we were always in synch. We knew each other better then anyone else, and we fought so well against and with each other, we have always know what was going on in the other's head. But this, he's hiding from me. I don't get it." The last part was said more to himself then the companion in the passenger seat.

"Well is it about you?" Cagalli asked

For a moment something that Lacus said echoed through his head. She had said it that morning when he overslept.

"_What." He had asked as the other girl had looked at him_

"_It's you." She said on a smile._

"_Huh?" He asked again finishing off his meal._

"_Nothing, it's just you."_

"I don't know how it could be. I haven't been around; we haven't been really hanging out. I have been busy and so has he."

"I know but what over the last two days was strange?" Cagalli asked probing.

"Nothing and what's with the 20 questions anyway?" He growled as he swung into a parking spot at the port where her shuttle was looking. He really didn't have to worry about security yet, in Orb there really wasn't a lot of concern because she was already so well protected. It was when they boarded the shuttle that Athrun's job really started.

"Can't I worry about my brother?" Cagalli asked but Athrun noted that when she took off her sunglasses there was mischief in her eyes.

"Not this worried. You were the one who said it was just something that he needed to get over."

"I was angry; you should know that was why I said that and that I wouldn't mean it. Kira went though a lot. You know he was never like you, he was always so sensitive and anything could make the boy cry."

"I know that, he was always like that. Cry at the drop of a hat, but he was still strong, you know. He always had a stubborn streak. Why do you think that he always said no when I asked him to come to the PLANTS. He wanted to, he never wanted to fight against me but he had told himself that he had people to protect…

"Hey…" Cagalli seemed to hit a though as Athrun grabbed both her bags and his.

"What?" Athrun questioned grunting a little under the weight of the bags.

"Is he trying to protect someone maybe?" Cagalli asked.

"Like who?" Athrun asked as the walked to the shuttle after getting scanned by security. Someone came forward and grabbed the bags from Athrun and he relinquished them noting the other boy buckle a little under their weight.

"You, me, Lacus, himself? I don't know it was just an idea." Cagalli muttered glaring a little at the beautiful boy beside her. Slowly they got settled in and the conversation came to a standstill until Cagalli laid a hand on his. "Don't worry, he'll be okay, he is so much stronger then we all give him credit for."

"I know." Then he sat back, buckled up, and watched as the earth disappeared underneath them.

The trip was uneventful. About 12 into the trip they both fell asleep and then woke an hour before it was time to land. They both went to their respective bathrooms, to change and get ready for the first meeting that would take place as soon as they landed. Up in the PLANTS it was only early evening, but in earth it was already 10:00 at night. He knew that he promised Kira he would call when he landed, but it looked like it would have to wait until he got to his hotel room, checked out the security, and got Cagalli settled. But he couldn't help thinking that Kira was just too far away. He never thought of bringing Kira with him. If it weren't for all the politics the bet that Kira would actually enjoy the PLANTS. The disembarked and were met by security and politicians alike and they followed along as the all went to their hotel, met, ate and around late evening they were allowed to leave. It only took a few minutes to get Cagalli settled, and the girl was fast asleep. He met with security and went over the plans of the hotel and then he went into his adjoining suite and went straight to the video screen and dialed the number he knew by heart. He waited as the satellite connected him to earth.

00-00-00-00

He said he was going to call. Athrun didn't lie, but he hadn't called yet. It took 16 hours to get to the PLANTS and they were four hours behind. Doing the math he realized they would have gotten there at 11:00 his time, an hour or so to get settled and then Athrun should have called. But that was, looking at the clock Kira realized how late it really was. Athrun should have called four hours ago. Kira hung his head, realizing that he was indeed a fool.

Here he was waiting on Athrun to call like…like… like they were more then friends. What in the world was he thinking? That kiss…that total and complete accident that had happened earlier today was exactly that. An accident. There was nothing that said that Athrun felt more for him the friendship.

But that didn't really explain how badly Kira simply wanted to see his face right now. There was nothing else that he wanted more then to simply see Athrun's face. Kira wanted to fall into those deep green eyes, and be tucked safe against that warm body. Athrun had always been close, always been in his mind and his heart and there was nothing that was false about that statement. He smiled a little as Torii flew and landed on his shoulder. Feeling a little better, he pet the mechanical bird, feeling a little more secure since he had a piece of Athrun with him always.

He sat on his bed, watching the vid screen that he received his few calls on. He watched and waited and hoped that there would be that slight buzzing noise that would tell him that someone wanted to talk to him. And at first he was sure he imagined it, but he was up and pressing the button before he even realized that it hadn't finished ringing, but Athrun was their looking at the screen in surprise.

"Hey." Athrun said softly surprised to see the other boy away and waiting. He looked tire and pale but Athrun had to smile because there he was…waiting for _him._

"Hey." Why was this awkward?

"How are you?" Athrun asked softly knowing something was up, by the fact that the boy was even still awake.

"Good…um…you?" Kira asked finally looking up and actually meeting Athrun's eyes.

"Tired… What are you still doing up? I thought that I would just leave a message." He spoke softly knowing that the mic would pick it up.

"You… you said you would call." Kira said softly, for a moment the older boy wondered if he should have said that because a look of shock crossed Athrun's face.

"Kira, you really need to take better care of yourself. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to call in advance."

"It's okay; I know that you and Cagalli are really busy." Kira looked behind Athrun part of him was afraid that they shared a room; he didn't think that he could take it if he saw Cagalli sleeping in Athrun's bed as he called his friend who happened to be in love with him.

"She's in her room." Athrun stated as he saw Kira's shifting eyes. "Did you need to talk to her?" Athrun asked as Kira turned downcast guilty eyes his way.

"No…no it's okay."

"We don't sleep in the same room." Athrun stated a little angry, wondering if Kira wondered if he was taking advantage of his sister. "Our relationship isn't like that."

Kira couldn't find it in himself to ask how their relationship was. He really didn't think that he could handle it. He wanted to ask when Athrun was coming back, if he was coming to stay with him, and if he wanted to kiss him again, but he couldn't do it. There was no way that he could ask those questions, they were far to personal for how far he knew he had to distance himself from Athrun.

Athrun noticed the silence on the other end and waited as Kira's mind seemed to come up with answers to questions he wasn't going to ask.

"Kira." He waited for the other boy to respond. "Kira!" He said again and the other boy looked up and while the video link was a little blurry he thought that he saw tears in Kira's eyes. Athrun reached a hand toward the other boy and almost growled when his hand ran into the screen.

"Yeah, I should go. I'll talk to you later?" Kira asked feeling the need to get rid of Athrun and quick, normally he wasn't afraid to cry in front of others, but this was Athrun and even more it was about something that he couldn't say.

Kira disconnected the line before the tears started to fall. Athrun had been gone for so long, that it had been okay to live with kind of pain. But then he had to come around and stir up all the pain and longing. He needed to avoid Athrun that would be the best plan of action. He ignored the vid screen as the incoming call buzzed and he watched the red light flash, then turn yellow, Athrun was leaving a message. Then it buzzed again. He turned down the sound and went to his bed, crawled in and curled around himself. It would be best if he forgot…he should just forget everything.

When the sun rose, Kira realized he had gotten little sleep. Around his room computers hummed and he got to work finishing in the ones that he had. Later that day he delivered them, and then went to the store. Dai smiled as he walked in.

"Hey Kira." Dai was the old man who ran the store and Kira helped him out every once in a while.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I should ask you that. You like you didn't sleep a wink last night." The graying aging man looked him over from head to toe. "And you can't get any skinnier."

"It was a long night." Kira said softly a blush across his cheeks. He had woke up to find three messages all from Athrun last night.

"Kira, I know you like your freedom, but what you say…work for me?" He and Dai when through this almost every day when he would come in…next would be the offer. "There's a furnished apartment above the store, you can still help out at the orphanage." And then after that… "I'm getting old." But this time Kira looked up and he saw something in the older man's gaze, it was understanding. Dai knew what he was going through.

"I won't ask questions, I won't try to help. I'll just let you do what you need to do." To Kira it sounded great, for once it sounded like something he wanted. Someone who wasn't going to ask questions…

"I can't…Dai you know that. I need to stay with Lacus." He always felt that he needed to stay with Lacus, needed to protect her…just in case.

"Maybe for a couple days, boy. I can't help thinking you have too much in that head of yours."

"Maybe I do." Kira offered a shy smile, but the man wasn't fooled. "But don't worry; it's all getting sorted out."

"Talk to that lady friend of yours, maybe for just a couple days."

"Thanks Dai, but my problems aren't in that house." Kira tilted his head to the side his long bangs covering part of his face. He left with his purchases, and then stopped at a couple houses to pick up two laptops that he was going to be working on and then headed back to the house.

"How was Dai?" Lacus asked when he came back, she was setting the table for the evening meal, and he could hear the kids getting washed up for the meal. This was the one meal that he could never avoid. Lacus would drag him down and make him eat, and the kids love the fact that they all ate together. It made them feel like a family.

"Good. Are we ready to eat?" Kira asked sad smile crossing his face and Lacus sighed.

"Oh Kira." She felt her heart break a little finally realizing so much and there was nothing she could do.

And the days passed.

And his acting got better.

00-00-00-00

He debated about calling Kira again. A week after the abrupt end of his call he wasn't sure what to do. For the first time in a long time he felt that the ground was shaking underneath their friendship.

Cagalli had noticed his disposition and it seemed like the two were fighting less and less.

"Call him!" Cagalli yelled when they got to their rooms after lunch.

"Huh?"

"You think I'm stupid. Call Kira, you are worried sick about him and you can barely concentrate on a conversation because you are worried about that idiot genius brother of mine." Cagalli stormed to her own suite leaving Athrun hanging. He looked at the screen. His last vision of Kira was of the boy about to cry and he needed to know why, but he knew that Kira would however avoid him so; he placed a call to Lacus.

"Hello Athrun." Her voice was sweet as she picked up her line and she smiled sweetly.

"Lacus how are you?" He asked politely.

"I'm fine, but I have a feeling that you aren't calling about me." She had a teasing smile around her lips and he knew that she knew _something_.

"I'm sorry, but I was wondering how Kira was." He asked her softly, he really didn't expect her to give him a hard time, but he should have known better.

"And why don't you ask him yourself?" She asked him.

"He's won't answer my calls." Even Athrun could hear the frustration in his own voice.

"Why is this so important to you Athrun?" Lacus leaned forward; the question was bright in her eyes. He had a feeling that she already knew the answer.

"He's my friend, I'm worried." He stated exasperated, used to answering the same question from Cagalli.

"No, it's more then that isn't it Athrun?" Lacus asked again and she looked a little confused.

"Huh?" Lacus watched in confusion. Could he really not see it? Was Athrun really just as dense as Kira? No that wasn't possible…was it?

"Athrun, why are you so worried about Kira?"

"He's my friend." He growled frustrated with Lacus's game.

"No…Why are you so worried?"

"Last time I talked to him, he was going to cry." Athrun told her, hoping that maybe she would give in.

"Why?" Lacus knew she had to push, one of them had to realize it, she had a feeling that Kira already knew that he was in love with Athrun, but it was this one that was clueless. He didn't know that he loved Kira back; either that or he was just so used to his feelings toward Kira...that was it…

Idiots. Both of them.

"Why what!?"

"Why was he crying, what did you say?"

"I…I don't…I can't remember. Every thing was fine as far as I could tell."

"Then why would he be upset. Can't you figure it out Athrun?" Lacus was angry with him but her voice never wavered. "Think back, what were you talking about?"

"He didn't think I was going to call, that I could tell. He should have been asleep, I…I just don't know."

"Athrun, you are hopeless, just like Kira."

"Lacus, just tell me what you know." Athrun almost felt the need to throw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Kira's in love."

"That's not possible. Love makes people happy." Athrun knew that he sounded like he was talking to an infant but he knew for a fact that love generally was a happy think. Unless of course you were Athrun…then you just fall in love with your best friend, who happens to be straight. There was no way that Kira could be attracted to him, but then again… Kira didn't pull away from the accidental kiss. In fact if he remembered right Kira had looked like he got hit by a shock, eyes wide and surprised, and that sigh. He could stand to hear that again.

"Love doesn't always make you happy." Lacus stated softly. "Think Athrun what if you were in love and the person you loved you thought, loved someone else."

"I can see…"

"To make it worse what if you thought the person you loved was in love with say…" Lacus paused for a little bit of a dramatic effect, "Maybe your sister?"

"I don't have a sister." Lacus felt the need to hit her head against a table.

"Kira does." Lacus finally giving up disconnected and went back to making dinner for the kids.

She couldn't…

She wasn't saying that…

Was Kira in love? Was Kira in love with him?

"We were talking about Cagalli, he was seeing if she was in my bedroom." Athrun said it out loud but was thankful that no one was around to hear him. He just couldn't believe…this wasn't possible.

Well didn't that solve all his problems?

But create twice as many.

He wanted to call Lacus, but he already knew that he was reading it right. He just wondered how long Kira had loved him…he had loved Kira since…well since forever. While they went to school together they were really too young to understand that what they felt was more then just friendship. And when they found out that they would be parting there were tears on both sides. He had poured hours into making Torii and Kira had cried when he gave him the mechanical bird. But at least he knew that Kira would always have a part of him. The years apart had been long and he guessed that when they lost contact both of them moved on. But it was the war that started everything again. That first startled look at him, and then when Kira returned Lacus. He remembered when Lacus had told him that he still had Torii. Part of him had been overjoyed. Kira still thought of him… They could still be friends.

As long as he could remember, Kira's 'betrayal' had cut deep, but he realized that it the end they had both ended up fighting for the right side, but that left both of them here…now.

But now what?

The next couple days Athrun was more confused then before, but after a couple swift hits to the head from Cagalli, he put his mind back on the mission and while nothing happened to Cagalli his vigil was constant, but Kira was still in the corner of his mind and his heart... just like always.

00-00-00-00

"Kira, there you are." She opened the door and noted the other boy perched over a torn apart laptop. She set down the sandwich that she brought in seeing that the one she had brought in yesterday, sitting with just a couple bites out of it. She stood over him as he worked. It may be a good thing that he had to look up to her for this conversation. "Kira you're not eating, what would Athrun say?"

"Athrun…" He drew out the name as he took a small screwdriver out of his mouth, "isn't here right now to play mommy. Besides, I'm not his concern." Kira quickly screwed in the processor before once again putting the screwdriver in his mouth working with deft hands to put the computer parts in the right slots. Lacus watched partially memorized by his skilful hands and partially disappointed in him. He really was never was great at taking care of himself.

"So are you just going to live like this?" Lacus asked as she sat down and watched him.

"Like how?" His purple eyes glanced up and then quickly back down as he continued working, placing the casing around the laptop and using that screwdriver to put the computer back together.

"Like this, you aren't eating; you aren't taking care of yourself. This isn't going to heal your broken heart." Lacus studied him as he froze, she could see the thoughts processing through his mind. "Do you really think that avoiding Athrun will fix everything? You can't keep avoiding is calls, what if it was somebody else, what if Sai was trying to get a hold of you or your parents?"

"Lacus, I just… I just have to work through some things."

"You aren't being fair to Athrun."

"When did you figure this out?" Kira asked softly starting down at his hands that were still poised over the computer he was working on.

"While he was here." Lacus put a hand on his shoulder feeling how tense he was. "At least tell him why you are avoiding him."

"What just come out and say, 'Hey Athrun, I know what we're friends, but I've loved you for a while now, and just wanted to let you know, even though you love my sister. By the way I think its best we not see each other for…like…the rest of our lives'." Kira looked up at Lacus; his sarcastic statement was offset by the dead serious look on his face. "How was that Lacus?" Kira asked before turning back to the computer and connecting it to his laptop to start with the reprogramming.

"Well, not exactly like that. Kira, you don't know what he'll say."

"Like what could he say? It's not like he'll say, 'me too' and everything will be okay. He loves Cagalli, it seems wrong for me to be selfish and ruin his relationship with her just to let him know how I feel. This way I'll still be his friend, I will stand up in their wedding, and I will be an uncle to their kids." Lacus felt her own heart break at what Kira was putting himself through; she was sure that Athrun felt the same way, but this was just too much, "I'll heal eventually Lacus, just give me time to work through it." He looked up at her his big emotion-fill eyes pleading with her not to push, to just understand and to let it lie.

"Oh Kira." Not really know what else to do she dropped into his lap and wrapped her arms around him and cried for him. His lean strong arms wrapped around her and she cried for all his heartache and all his pain.

"It'll be okay." She felt his head tilt into the curve of her neck and she felt his own hot tears, yet here he was comforting her as she cried for him.

Others may call Kira weak and a crybaby, but many did not understand his true strength. He would always give so much and never ever ask for a thing.

His strength was all in his heart.

00-00-00-00

Kira knew that he would answer the next call that came through to his line but he didn't expect another call from Athrun the day before he was supposed to arrive back on earth. Needless to say he was a little startled that Athrun was showering him with his attentions. Granted whenever Athrun was in Orb it wasn't strange for them to spend a couple days together but most of his attention was with Cagalli and whenever they went out it was as a group. Usually with the activity of having both girls with them he could keep his eyes off Athrun, but it was much harder to do when the other boy was intent on seeing him alone. When he answered the line, Athrun's face came in clear, as did his sarcastic comment.

"Decided to talk to me again?"

"Hello, to you to Athrun." Kira stated not angry at all, Athrun had a reason to be angry, Kira had been rude. "I'm sorry about last week; I didn't mean to be so rude."

"Why were you?" Athrun asked looking at him.

"I just needed to get some sleep I was tired…it was nothing." Kira looked like he really had himself convinced of that fact, so he thought it best not to push the subject even more.

"Hey, I'm going to come and see you tomorrow when I get back, you free?"

"I don't really think that's a good idea. I'm really busy with the work from Dai and the other things I've got going on I'm going to be busy a while."

"Just for a couple hours…"

"I'm really busy, maybe in a couple weeks?" Kira asked and he looked so hopeful and sad at the same time and Athrun knew what he was thinking. Athrun knew that Kira wanted to see him, but it just hurt too much.

"Kira, we need to talk, please? I don't like this, this distance you're creating, you're my friend…"

"Athrun…" Kira was pleading just by saying his name, but Athrun knew that so much could be fixed with one little conversation.

"Kira, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Athrun…" But he was already gone and all Kira felt now was and that he needed to run, but he knew that he couldn't.

That night he found that he got little to no sleep, so he decided that he would just work on all the computers sitting in his room. Giving up on sleep at around 4:00 in the morning he got started. Lacus came through like she always did with breakfast and lunch, making sure he ate something, and he worked the day away.

00-00-00-00

It was noon when the shuttle landed, and as Athrun rose and stretched he felt good…really good.

Today was the start of his new life…a life with Kira.

00-00-00-00

Okay, how did chapter 2 go? I wanted to get more into their personalities and have Cagalli and Lacus there so I hope that you all liked. Thanks for all those who reviewed. With the lack of Kira x Athrun stories I was almost afraid to post this, but I'm glad you like it.

Again tell me what you think and thanks for reading.

Cat


	3. Chapter 3

Sad

Chapter Three

By Catrina

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters; please remember I make no money from this.

A/N: Last chapter folks, I hope you all enjoy. If this story does well I will write try to write another one, longer and much more in depth. Thanks for reading.

00-00-00-00

This was Kira…just Kira… the Kira he had known forever.

So why was Athrun Zala nervous bordering on _afraid. _

This was absolutely unacceptable.

There was no reason, yet as Athrun disembarked from the shuttle, his hands were shaking and a cold sweat had covered his skin. He knew that on the outside he looked like the same old Athrun, dark hair hung straight framing his face, his green eyes were bright and ever watchful but still he felt like a new person on the inside. If what Lacus said was right that meant that everything would be different today. Was it him or did the sun seem a little brighter today?

"What are you so worked up about?" Cagalli asked as he helped her out of the car and carried her things to the house for her. The security cars hung back just a little bit but her Orb body guards were close approaching.

"Huh?" He asked, he was asking that a lot these days.

"Your palms are clammy and you seem a little nervous, and I know that absolutely nothing can shake Athrun Zala." She said with more sarcasm then what was actually necessary. He looked over to her and stared straight into her bright golden eyes.

"I'm going to tell Kira that I love him." He didn't actually mean to say that but before he actually realized it the words tumbled out. Surprisingly she didn't hit him hard or glare, but she smiled.

"About damn time, you two really are both idiots you know that right. Did you ever wonder why I told you that it would never work out between us?" Cagalli asked. It had been a conversation that they held almost six months ago but it was still fresh in her mind.

"No, I guess I just took it at face value." Athrun said opening the door for her and turning her luggage over to the butler.

"I could see it. Every time you looked at him, every time you would touch. There was something that was special to you. Your eyes would glow, and you could never wait to get home, to see him. At first I was a little jealous, but you guys have so much. Seeing you together is what every couple should look like. You complement each other, not really in looks, but you two can finish each others sentences, and know each other's thoughts. If it wasn't sweet it would be _very _disturbing."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to be." Athrun looked at her a little sad.

"Don't be, we are better off as friends, I mean, I would never be able to put up with your moodiness and you two have been through so much. We all have, you deserve happiness."

"You too." Athrun placed a hand on her head and stroked her hair soflty, it may not look like Kira's but it felt like his.

"You're thinking of him," Cagalli stated looking at him and the far off look in his exotic eyes.

"Huh?" There was that question again.

"Kira, you're thinking about him."

"You deserve your happiness too, Cagalli." Athrun stated looking at the girl who had done so much already, he ignored her statement and moved back to the topic at hand.

"Right now I am happy ensuring the peace for everyone. As long as I have my friends and family around me, I'll be good. I have a happy future Athrun." Cagalli told him a confident smile.

"Is there something that I don't know?" He asked, he wouldn't put it past Cagalli to have a guy hidden in the wings who may be afraid of the ultimate coordinator and his best friend.

"No, but just trust me. Now go save that idiot brother of mine." Cagalli pushed him out the door. "Be good to him Athrun." She closed the door muttering to herself, "Why are all the great ones gay?"

Looking at the closed door he thought it best to just get in the car and go. But as he got in the car, the drive to Lacus's house had never seemed so long. The beach and cliffs seemed to go on forever and every curve he took, the car took longer and longer to speed back up and the car didn't seem to go as fast as he wanted it to. It seemed like hours before he got there, but when he looked at the clock he saw that it had been all of 20 minutes. He sighed…he was sweating again. He just didn't know how to do this. When he looked in the mirror he knew he had to. Kira needed him to, because right now the reason that Kira seemed to be falling apart was because he was heartbroken, over Athrun.

Oh, that realization had hurt.

To realize that in actuality that you we're hurting the most important person in your life. To realize that you were the reason he couldn't eat, and that every sad smile was because of you. Athrun was glad that he had been alone when that realization had hit, because his breathe had hitched and after that he was pretty sure that he had fallen to the bed in complete shock. He had wanted to call Kira right away, tell him that it was okay, and he would show him how much it was okay when he got back. But he hadn't been able to breathe and the thought of causing more pain to Kira made him decide to tell him in person. It would be best; things like this were done best face to face.

When he knocked it was Lacus that opened the door, her smile was bright as she looked at him.

"Hi Athrun, he agreed to see you then?" She asked as she motioned him in and took his coat.

"Well not really, I basically told him that I was coming. Do I have anything to worry about?" The thought had crossed his mind that maybe Kira would be hiding or trying to run away. Kira wasn't a coward by any means, but he did sometimes have a hard time facing the more emotional battles.

"Not really, he's been really wrapped up in his work lately. Dai gave him some work and he's been working non-stop."

"Okay, but no like huge bouts of depression or anything like that?" There was concern in his voice as well as apparent in his face. Lacus smiled at his already present devotion.

"Not anything abnormal, but Athrun…he has such a sad smile. It's always heartbreaking and breathtaking at the same time. I wish that his smiles would turn back to the shy sweet ones from when I first met him. It's hard to really deny him anything when he looks at you with that smile and big sad eyes."

"I know, hopefully he never learns how effective that look is, or we'll be waiting on him hand and foot." Lacus couldn't help it, she laughed and it rang through the foyer.

"He's in his room, be gentle." Lacus said as she turned and walked away her laughter still echoing behind her.

So alone in the foyer, Athrun wiped his hands on his pants and walked up the stairs. If he was worried about what he would say…he shouldn't have. He opened the door slowly as though peeking in on a sleeping child and trying not to wake them, but the sight in the room made his heart stop for a split second, then his anger took over.

Kira was indeed in his room, the room itself was dark, but the area around Kira was well lit. He had three laptops and a CPU on the table partially torn apart and he worked slowly putting them back together. He was wearing what was considered normal Kira attire, a blue shirt with a zipper instead of buttons over a white tank top and a choker around his neck. His grey cargos had buckles and pockets all over them but it was the fact that they were baggy that angered Athrun. When he got to his face, he realized that Kira looked deadly tired. The rings under his eyes were dark compared to his normally tan complexion and there was something about the picture that was off. He looked to the table and saw a partially eaten sandwich that only had a couple bites out it, but it looked slightly fresh.

Now that he understood he knew that he was partially at fault for this but why…why wouldn't Kira come to him. Why couldn't they be open about this? Athrun thought back to how long he had been hiding and decided that if he got mad at Kira he would have to be mad at himself too. And in a way he was… this should have never gone on this long. To think, one conversation with Lacus, two days with Kira, then two weeks away had changed Athrun's life.

And for once in his life he was glad that there were meddling females, but he would never acknowledge that to any woman.

Without Lacus and Cagalli he wouldn't have realized a thing, he owed them so much.

But… still looking at his tired and skinny friend he figured that the angry path would be the easiest way to go, because when you are angry, things are said so much easier. He slammed the door behind him.

Kira looked up surprised, not actually hearing the door open; he dropped the screwdriver he was holding when he caught Athrun's angry expression.

"Athrun?" His name was drawn out in question, "Hi." This was said just as slowly.

"Kira, hello. I would ask you how you are but you look terrible." His voice still held his temper. Kira knew he was mad.

"I don't feel terrible; I just didn't sleep well last night." Kira hoped that would be the end of that, that Athrun would let him go at that…that Athrun wouldn't ask _why?_

"Why?" _Damn it! _

"Why what?" Kira was sure that he could fake it, he could lie to Athrun, but that thought alone made him sick as well as the fact that he had never pulled it off before.

"Why didn't you sleep well?" Athrun asked as he stalked closer to the other boy watching as Kira thought. Kira could never really lie that well…ever.

"I had a lot on my mind." Kira pushed back from his table and got ready to stand put by that time Athrun had already approached and placed a hand on both the chair arms locking Kira in his seat.

"What was on your mind Kira?" Athrun asked green eyes wandering over his face taking in his weary features.

"Well..." Athrun asked, hoping that Kira would say it, when he failed to say anything Athrun finished for him, "Was it me, Kira? Were you thinking about me? Wondering how to handle today and seeing me?"

Kira looked up to him, surprised, violet eyes wide and worried. He had his bottom lip in his teeth and was biting it so hard Athrun was worried he might draw blood.

"Not exactly." Kira whispered. Looking up into those bright green eyes Kira wasn't sure what to say or do to get Athrun away. He was too close. Kira could smell his aftershave and his clean scent. His dark hair came undone from behind his shoulder and they were so close that it touched his cheek. He wanted to reach up and touch it, he knew how soft it was and it smelled clean like the shampoo that he used. He was surprised when Athrun stood up, unlocking him from his temporary prison.

"Stand up." Athrun ordered and the other boy stood without question. Athrun wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled him with him to the bathroom then pushed the other boy in following behind him. Athrun shut the door with a bang and then stepped in and stood behind Kira making him face the full-length mirror, by putting his arm around his waist. "Look at yourself Kira."

And he did, he saw his untidy mop of brown hair, his strange violet eyes that marked him as a coordinator, his lanky form and long legs. Nothing seemed different to him. He looked at the strong arm around his waist, it was warm and he had the urge to lean into the equally warm body behind him. He closed his eyes and he tensed with the urge to fight it.

"Look at this Kira." He felt a warm hand pull the fringe away from his eyes, he looked into his own eyes then met Athrun's in the mirror. "Look at your eyes, you have circles underneath them… you look like you haven't slept in days." Athrun's arm tightened around his waist as the other hand came down and grabbed at the lose waistband of his pants. "Look at this Kira, how much weight have you lost? How many of your clothes actually fit?" Kira didn't have the heart to tell him none of his clothes seemed to be fitting right now. The other arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him flush to the body behind him.

Kira gasped at the contact and again he fought the urge to melt against Athrun. To let him hold him, in this cold and sterile bathroom where he could see it in the mirror and know that he wasn't just dreaming.

But this was wrong.

Athrun didn't belong to him.

"I'm not hungry and I just have been stressed and not sleeping well." Kira closed his eyes, hoping Athrun would give up and let him go, but those arms just kept holding him tight.

"Kira, look what you're doing to yourself. Do you think that I don't care, that I wouldn't be worried?" Athrun asked the question but Kira's bright eyes were closed and his body was still tense. He leaned down and nestled his head in the crook of his shoulder and pressed a light kiss to his neck. "Look what you are doing to my most important person."

…_my most important person…_

…_my most important person…_

…_my most important person…_

Kira's eyes opened wide in shock and denial as the words wrapped around his mind. "No, no, no," This wasn't possible, he was dreaming and was delusional. There was no was this could be happening. With out realizing what he was doing he pushed Athrun away and his panic became full fledged as he pulled open the door and ran, leaving Athrun dazed on the bathroom floor. Kira knew just then that he had ruined everything, that this conversation had just changed his world; nothing would ever be the same. He had no idea why Athrun would say that.

Maybe he just took in the wrong way. Maybe Athrun meant something else, but was else could that mean?

…_my most important person…_

That wasn't something that you just told your best friend. What was Athrun trying to say, and for just a brief second he resented that it had been so easy to run away. He had never really allowed himself to run away but for some reason he just couldn't face this.

He stopped running when he reached the beach, instantly he felt calm. Seeing the tide be pulled in then pushed away was relaxing and for the first time he realized that he hadn't even put on shoes. Slowly his breathing came back to normal, only to completely stop when a hand held his. He looked down to see a pale hand entwined with his own.

"I won't let you run away from me." Athrun stood beside him, normally they were the same height but with Athrun wearing shoes he was an inch or so taller.

"Athrun…" Kira could feel the tears, they were filling his eyes.

"It's okay Kira. You don't have to go through this because of me. I'm right here."

"But…"

"I don't love Cagalli, I never did." Athrun tightened his grip on Kira's hand and pulled him closer. "Kira, why couldn't you sleep and why aren't you hungry." He pulled the other boy close and tucked his head under his chin and waited patiently for his answer.

"You…I love you and I can't have you." Athrun was surprised when he felt the hot tears bleed through his shirt and even more surprised when Kira's arms wrapped around him and held him tight. He could feel each finger dig into his skin and each wavering breath that Kira would take.

"I love you too and I'm right here." He spoke the words softly but right into Kira's ear, he felt a shiver rush through the other's body and then he tensed right before weakening completely against Athrun.

Athrun had never felt more special then he did in that exact moment.

"But Cagalli?" Kira asked voice soft but steady.

"She doesn't need me. We'll stay here… maybe go to school…" The rest of what he was going to say was lost because sweet shy Kira was kissing him…aggressively.

Kira's hands had released his back and had threaded though his hair tilting Athrun's face down as their lips met in a _very non_-accidental kiss. Athrun held him tight and was swept away by the passion in the other boy.

Kira dominated the kiss, tasting Athrun for the first time as he teased the other boy's mouth open deepening the kiss again. Then abruptly Kira pulled away.

"You love me?" Athrun blinked at him, his mind a little mushy after just receiving that kiss.

"Uh huh." He nodded in the positive and was rewarded with another kiss, until he pulled away again.

"Like _love _love, right?" Kira asked again, eyes wide almost waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Uh huh." Athrun said again hoping that…yup he got another kiss for that answer.

"Like love _not _like a friend love, right?" Kira reiterated, making sure that this was not a dream, that this was indeed reality, and reality could really be great.

""Uh huh, love you, in a not-friendly sort-a-way." Athrun nodded not quiet sure what else he could do to assure Kira. But instead he just took a page from Kira's book and kissed him before he could say anything else.

00-00-00-00

Lacus watched from the balcony as she poured tea for both her and Cagalli.

"You okay with this?" Cagalli asked looking at the other girl as she watched the two boys on the beach.

"Who are we to deny them happiness, besides, their hearts were never ours, they belonged to each other long before we all met." Lacus said looking at the other girl, before laying her hand over Cagalli's.

"God, though, they are both idiots." Cagalli stated and looked over to the other girl before they started laughing, but the boys were still oblivious to them, still wrapped up in each other.

How it would be from this day on.

00-00-00-00

Any one have cavities after all that sweetness?

Thanks for reading and let me know what you thing.

Cat


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